A Second Too Late
by LoveTwiGirl
Summary: This a one-shot with Edward's POV set in New Moon. Edward's running through the woods, as memories of him and Bella goes through his head. It's coming to the point, where he has had enough, when Rosalie calls him with news about his one and only love.


I was running in the woods. I came to hunt, but lately, I just couldn't hunt...well. My preys would be able to get away from me, even when I was holding them by the neck. I just didn't quite see a reason, in hunting. Maybe, if this kept going like this, I would be able to find out, if vampires could die by lack of blood.

I had gotten weaker, my eyes were constantly black, and purple circles were showing themselves clearly, under my eyes. I was miserably, and I deserved it. I deserved worse. I deserved torture, instead of this dead-like feeling, that had been with me, for these past months.

The thought, of why I was feeling this way, made me break down. One minute I was running, looking for some source of blood, and the next, I was on the ground. Legs pulled to my chest, chin laying on my knees, and sobs wracking through my body.

I rocked back and forth, holding onto my legs, as the memories went through my head.

''_What happened with Jasper- that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!''_

''_You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected.''_

''_You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay-''_

''_As long as that was best for you.''_

''_No__! This is about my soul, isn't it? Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care. You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already!''_

''_Bella, I don't want you to come with me.''_

''_You...don't...want me?''_

''_No.''_

Lie.

It was a horrible lie, but she believed it. She actually believed it! She was so calm, after those words. I had been ready to convince her, hours where I had to lie, before she would even began to consider my words true. But one sentence, one lie, and she let go.

''Pull yourself together, Edward.'' I growled, at myself. ''You let her go, not the other way around. You have no right to miss her! Get your act together.'' I growled.

Something I had begun to do. I didn't have Rosalie to tell me I was pathetic, or Alice and Emmett to tell me, what I had done was stupid. So I had begun talking to myself. Mostly, scolding and growling. When you were all alone, you tended to begin talking to yourself.

I took in a deep breath, and got up, shaking slightly. I couldn't quite get myself, to continue my running, so I just walked. I felt weaker, as I walked through the woods. The longer I lived like this, the weaker I got. I didn't believe, that I could live like this much longer.

I smelled blood, and ran in the direction the smell came from. I saw a bear, and leaped for it. The bear didn't have time to react, and I quickly had a hold of it. As I was about to break it's neck, and drink from it, another memory came.

''_Bears? You know, bears are not in season.''_

''_If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons.''_

''_Bears?''_

''_Grizzly is Emmett's favorite.''_

''_Hmmm. So. What's your favorite?''_

''_Mountain lion.''_

''_Ah.''_

''_Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators- ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?''_

''_Where indeed.''_

''_Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season- they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable.''_

''_Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear.''_

My hold on the bear completely disappeared. The bear took advance of my numb state, and attacked me. It was ripping my clothes, but I couldn't get myself to do anything about it. I closed my eyes, and took in a deep breath, as the bear continued its attack.

Just when I was about to take a hold of the bear, and throw it of me, the memory hit me again, and I was numb, again.

''_Are you like a bear, too?''_

''_More like the lion, or so they tell me. Perhaps our preferences are indicative.''_

''_Perhaps. Is that something I might get to see?''_

''_Absolutely not!''_

''_Too scary for me?''_

''_If that were it, I would take you out tonight. You __need__ a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you.''_

''_Then why?''_

''_Later. We're going to be late.''_

''_Later, then.''_

''Grrrrrrrr.'' The bear continued its attack, ruining the random clothes I had put on.

I threw the bear of me, but I didn't seem to have the same strength I had before, and barely got it a few feet away from me. I got up, and made quick work of breaking the bears neck. It was right in front of me, but I didn't drink, I just stared at it.

''_Is it later yet?''_

''_I supposed it is later. And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?''_

''_Well. I was mostly wondering about your reaction.''_

''_Did I frighten you?''_

''_No.''_

''_I apologize for scaring you. It was just the very thought of you being there...while we hunted.''_

''_That would be bad?''_

''_Extremely.''_

''_Because...?''_

''_When we hunt, we give ourselves to our senses...govern less with out minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way...''_

If she was here, when I hunted now, there would be no worry. Only the worry, of what the animal would do. My instincts weren't what they used to be. The only thing I could smell now, was her scent. It was everywhere around me.

But...if she was here....if she was...with me, I wouldn't be like this. There would be more life in me. I had always known, that vampires were living deaths. But it was first now, that I truly felt dead.

I bend down and drank the blood, from the bear. I hadn't felt the burn in my throat, since...the day we all left. I only hunted for blood, so I would feel less weak. I wiped my mouth, when I was done. I then looked at my clothes, looking at what the bear had done.

The sleeve of my left arm had been ripped off, the pants of my right leg had been ripped off, from the knee and down. The bottom of my right shoe was ripped off, too, the front of my shirt was barely there, the back of my shirt wasn't even there and there were some strands of bronze hair, on the ground.

I sighed, not really caring. I just walked away. I should have known better, then choosing a bear as my prey. If I wasn't so miserably, Emmett would surely tease me, if he found out, that I also got attacked by a deer, a few days ago.

I wasn't even embarrassed, that this was how my clothes ended up being, when I went hunting. I didn't care, that this was the first animal that I had been able to kill, for a month. I just didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered. My life was meaningless, and I just wanted the ache in my chest to disappear.

But most of all...I wanted _her_. I needed her.

I couldn't function without her. That was something, that was very clear. But if I came back...what would stop Jasper, from attacking her, every time she got a little scar or wound? As clumsy as she was, that would happen very often. Even if we were able to hold Jasper back, what life would that be?

''_Open mine and Edward's next.''_

''_You promised.''_

''_Just in time!''_

''_I didn't spend a dime.''_

''_Give it to me.''....''Shoot.''_

''_No!''_

''_Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside.''_

''_Come on, Jasper.''_

''_I'm so sorry, Bella.''_

''_Let me by, Edward.''_

''Ahhhh!'' I roared, and hit the tree I passed. The whole tree fell down to the ground, making a loud noise, that echoed through the woods.

I took in a deep breath. Breaking things had also become one of the things, that I had been doing very often. Talking to myself, getting weak, letting my preys become the hunter and falling to the ground sobbing, was the things I had been doing, ever since that horrible day.

I had run away. As I ran, sobs had been racking through me, and I had never wanted to cry so badly, in my life. I wanted tears to spill over, but they never did, no matter how much I wished they would.

I wasn't even noticing, where I was, where I was going nor what I was doing. I had my eyes closet, just letting my body control my actions. As I said, I didn't care about anything anymore, neither what I was doing. I opened my eyes, and looked around.

Twilight.

''_So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything.''_

''_It's not the end, it's the beginning.''_

''_I'm not worth it.''_

''_Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly? You obviously have the same blindness.''_

''_I know what I am.''.....''You're ready now, then?''_

''_Um. Yes?''_

''_Right now?''_

''_Yes.''_

''_You can't really believe that I would give in so easily.''_

''_A girl can dream.''_

''_Is this what you dream about? Being a monster?''_

''_Not exactly. Mostly I dream about being with you forever.''_

''_Bella. I __will__ stay with you- isn't that enough?''_

''_Enough for now.''......''Look, I love you more then everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?''_

''_Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever.''_

But we didn't get forever. And if I wanted her to be safe, we never would. But that didn't mean, that I didn't want forever. I wanted it so badly, and I needed her even more. We wouldn't be together, but I still loved her. And I always would. That was the one thing, that would last forever. My love for her would never fade. It would only become stronger, no matter what.

I shook my head, and started to notice what was happing around me. It was night time and would probably be cold right now, for humans. It started to rain, and the water droplets cascaded on my face. My hair stuck to my face, but I just ignored it.

I had begun to utterly despise rain, because it reminded me of Forks. The one place, that had truly felt like a home, to me. Because of her. The angel from heaven.

''_Tell me what you're thinking. It's still so strange for me, not knowing.''_

''_You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time.''_

''_It's a hard life. But you didn't tell me.''_

''_I __was__ wishing I could know what you were thinking...''_

''_And?''_

''_I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid.''_

''_I don't want you to be afraid.''_

''_Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about.''_

''_What are you afraid of, then?''_

''_I'm...sorry...Edward.''_

''_Give me a moment.''.......''I'm so very sorry. Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?''......''I'm the worlds best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in- my voice, my face, even my __smell__. As if I need any of that!''.......''As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off.''.....''Don't be afraid. I promise....I __swear__ not to hurt you.''_

''ENOUGH!'' I yelled, whimpering slightly.

It was enough. I couldn't live like this anymore. I couldn't live without her. I was going to go back. NOW! I turned in the direction, where Forks would be. It was very, very fare away, but I was coming.

I told myself, I was just going to check on her, just see how she was. But I knew, the moment I saw her, I wouldn't be able to ever leave again. I was going to be on my knees, and beg her to take me back. I wouldn't care, how long it would take her, to forgive me, but I was going to find out.

She would probably never forgive me, for leaving, and the odds of her taking me back were even smaller, but I was going to give it a try. If she had found someone else, and was happy, I would step back, but I wouldn't leave. Any part of herself, she was willing to give me, I would take.

If she would give me her love or her company, either would be better then this. But I would be forever heartbroken, if she had found someone else, or wouldn't taking me back. But I would give it a try. If she hadn't found someone else, I would be on my knees begging her, until she either took me back or found someone else.

The mere thought, of her with someone else made my chest ache. But, if she was happy, that was all that mattered to me. But I would soon find out, how she was. I was coming. Nothing was going to stop me.

''_You were mad.''_

''_Yes.''_

''_But you just said-''_

''_That I wasn't mad at __you__. Can't you see that, Bella? Don't you understand?''_

''_See what?''_

''_I'm never angry with you- how could I be. Brave, trusting...warm as you are.''_

''_Then why?''_

''_I infuriate myself. The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to-''_

''_Don't.''_

''_I love you. It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true.''_

''I love you.'' I whispered.

My phone rang, then. I had made sure to always have my phone, with me. It was the only way for my family, to contact me. Alice had probably seen my decision, and was calling to cheer me on. Every time I talked to her, she tried to convince me to go back. I pulled my phone out, not even looking at the caller ID.

''Hello, Alice.'' I said.

''Edward, it's not Alice.''

''Rosalie? What do you want?'' I asked. She was probably calling, to convince me to stay away. She thought that I had made the right choice, by leaving. She thought it was better, that way.

''Edward...I don't quite know, how to tell you this.'' Rosalie said, sounding sad.

''Tell me what, Rosalie?'' I asked, slowing down a bit.

''It's about Bella.'' She said.

I winced. The only time I heard her name, was in my memories. I never allowed myself to say her name, myself. No one from my family mentioned her, at least not by name, either. Or, at least not when I was there. They knew how much it hurt me.

''What about her?'' I growled.

''She's....''

''She's what!?'' I shouted, beginning to feel irritated.

''Dead.'' Rosalie whispered.

''W-w-what?'' I stammered, falling down to my knees.

''Bella's dead, Edward.'' She said.

''W-what? N-n-no. N-no! NO!'' I sobbed.

''I'm sorry, Edward.'' She did sound sorry.

''No. No. No! Rosalie, what the hell are you talking about!?'' I shouted, clutching the dirt underneath me.

''Alice saw it. Bella jumped of a cliff.'' She said.

''No, Rosalie. She w-wouldn't...S-she can't be....s-she can't!'' I sobbed. I was on my way. I was coming.

''She's dead, Edward.'' Rosalie said.

''No!'' I growled, and threw the phone against a tree.

''_The thought of you, still, white, cold...to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.''_

''_You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here...which, roughly translated, means I would rather die then stay away from you. I'm an idiot.''_

''_You are an idiot.''......''And so the lion feel in love with the lamb...''_

''_What a stupid lamb.''_

''_What a sick masochistic lion.''_

She wouldn't have...she promised. She promised not to do anything reckless. But what did Alice see then?

''_...I would rather die then stay away from you.''_

''_...I would rather die...''_

''_...rather die...''_

I was a second too late.

''Bella.'' I sobbed.


End file.
